Alright those three of you that follow my blog every month or so! Well, I’m back at it. But first, disclaimer; I know the title has you thinking I’m about to reveal some thin line between love and hate foolishness, and although my line name is PHatal AttraKt10n, I am not doing prison time for nobody! Nah my crazy af behavior is more on the “I can’t decide if I’m Kanye West pre- 808’s and Heartbreak, or Lauryn Hill during the Miseducation days. Ya girl’s been out here wilding! Now, we could blame it on this full moon (please go outside and enjoy) or Mother Nature (no need for further explanation, or my date of birth (baby girl is a Gemini-cancer cusp) meaning not only am I nurturing and emotional AF, but I have the potential to be dope and or evil all in the span of 15 minutes. Add all of these factors up and that spells for a rocky past couple of days.
Now like all terrible people of the world, I finally felt bad for my crazy af ways, took responsibility for them, and had a long talk with the man upstairs this past weekend. The beauty of life, as J Cole says “the pain never last”. Not only did I feel better after praying to my awesome God about my woes (how I’m stressed about graduating, how I’m nervous about adulting, how I’m not being the best to those around me and more) but at church the following Sunday the sermon seemed like it was tailored just for my crazy self!
The preacher began the lesson with 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”. The sermon was essentially about how the Lord should be our comfort and refuge, and that no matter what persecution we face, we need to have an intimate relationship with God. We need to tell him our fears, our worries, the things that excite use and frighten us. That test you’re stressed about, before and after studying, get your mind right and talk to God about easing your mind as you study, and giving you the endurance to see studying through. That depression that’s got you feeling all isolated and frustrated, go meet up with a trusted friend and pray together for mental strength (as well as walking on over to the BSB because we all know faith without works is dead and the Lord blesses counselors, social workers and psychologists with the brains to nurture those in times of need). That little raggedy boy whom you can’t stop thinking bout, talk to God about it, and ask him if this is truly what he has for you. But don’t be upset at the response! The point I’m trying to make is that God knows all, but you don’t. Talk to him! It’s funny to me how we can become intimate with our cell phones, our twitter accounts, our jobs, real housewives of Atlanta, some nappy head girl, but when it comes to our creator, we draw blanks. And I’m talking to myself when I say all these things so please don’t get defensive. I have been so guilty of treating God like a side-negro. I tell him the bare minimum, sometimes I ignore his phone calls, and I even call him by someone else’s name (i.e. my affinity for Instagram, twitter and Mac and cheese).
God aint no side-negro. And if you’re like me, you’re not crazy af, but you are a looney tune if you out here tryna control life from the backseat. R-E-L-A-X. God’s got you boo, but only if you allow him to. Spend time talking to God, and talk to him keeping in mind that he is the only person who truly knows you and wants what best for you. “You have not because you ask not”. So unzip your straight jacket, take a deep breath, and tell the man whats going on. My God is so good that he’ll not only provide what you want, but what you need as well. And keep in mind, God is not an ATM machine. He don’t owe you squat! Just like any relationship, communication is key! Just like that waterhead boy not texting you back incites you to riot, how do you think God feels when you out here treatin him like a side-negro.
Claim him. He da realest!