So up until this point in my life, I considered myself pretty mature. I’ve never had even one sip of alcohol, I never broke curfew in high school, I attend church services pretty much every Sunday that the Lord sends, and I pay my taxes. I could go on further and list every other thing in life that I believe, (well believed) that were things that made me a wonderful adult. But it really took losing something very important to me to make me understand that maturity is not indicative of criteria that can be checked off of a survey. Adulthood is about thoughts and actions. The bible speaks about thinking like a child, and acting as such.
Growth. Ahh good old growth. And I used to wonder why they called it growing pains.. Because sometimes it hurts to grow. It literally pains our souls to start completely over, or to lose a friend or lover, or even to realize that others are not who they claim to be. Prior to this year, I’d never experienced the pain of separation; the anxiety that comes with fear of the future. Simply put, I had grown comfortable. We are creatures of habit after all. But just because something is easy, does not make it right. I think maturity comes when you start to actually put thought into how you affect others, and how they affect you. With me being so emotionally driven, I validated my emotions, and my actions. Now don’t get me wrong, feelings are natural, and we are all entitled to them! You can’t help how you feel. But you can control how you act. And my actions were not indicative of the person that I really was.
I feel the growth within me, but I can’t lie; a lot of pain has come right along with it. And to be quite honest, a lot of bad things have happened to me lately in order to speed up this “awakening” that I have suddenly had. But I’ll tell you one thing, the day I realized that I was letting myself down, was the day I accepted the challenge to save my own life. So here’s what I have to say, and I hope you heed my advice so that you don’t have to learn the hard way: Life is what you make it.
For a long time, I was so angry and bitter about situations that had befallen me that I couldn’t stand up. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of my own pain and misery. And as I looked around, I was slowly but surely dragging those closest to me down with me; some had life vests, others had boats, and others almost drowned with me. I write today to tell you that you can get through it. I pray these days like I’ve never prayed before. I even asked God to remove everything from my life that was holding me back from what he had for me. He answered me by allowing someone so close to me to depart.
So back to this maturity and this pain. It aint gon be easy, but then again, if it’s easy, who really wants it? Allow yourself the grace and mercy to make mistakes. There’s no problem with the mistake if you learn the lesson. And my best advice is to rely on God by meditating over his word daily and PRAYING! Oh wow, the gift of prayer is so amazing. Tell him exactly what you need! Oh yeah, and be kind to yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so know that your empire of greatness wont be built in one either. Remind yourself to take every day step by step, minute by minute. Oh maturity, I’m comin for you. No pain, no gain!